Morals

Only I know what’s right for me.

This moral clearly comes from thinking rather than feeling. I didn’t pick it because “it makes me feel good” or anything like that, but because it makes sense to me. I made this moral logically. After all, I am me, so who else knows what I want like I do? And in the end, isn’t it my life, my happiness, that matters? So no one else could possibly know what’s best for me, because no one else knows me like I do. I am me.

That doesn’t mean that the moral doesn’t kind of suck. Thinking rather than feeling, that’s something I struggle with. Naturally, I feel first, or at least I used to. But over time, as I was constantly hiding things from people and not trusting anyone, I isolated myself from others, and as a result, began to think more logically. I’m a really strong individual because of it, but now I don’t trust anyone, and I don’t really feel anything. I’m just kind of going through the motions of life, because while I know what’s right for me, that’s boring. I want to trust people again, maybe even if they let me down. So I guess my moral makes sense, but I’m just not really happy with it. But I’m not sure that I want to change it either, because I don’t want to be stupid and stop thinking for myself. I just need to find balance, I suppose.

You Go, Glen Coco

(I’m talking about Mean Girls, in case you don’t get the movie reference).

But yeah, there’s a reason why Mean Girls is arguably one of the most iconic movies of our generation (why else would practically everyone know the name of a non-speaking unimportant character of the movie, such as Glen Coco?) A lot of people think Mean Girls is just a dumb chick flick, when it’s clearly satirrical about how dumb girls are. Anyone who doesn’t realize it’s satire either doesn’t know it was written by Tina Fey, or know nothing about Tina Fey’s sense of humor. The actions of the girls in the movie is absolutely outrageous, but where it really relates to what we were talking about with Rebel Without a Cause, is their relationship with their parents/teachers/adult figures in their life.

The adult figure is non-existant in Mean Girls. The only three adults in the movie who aren’t absolutely ridiculous are Cady’s parents and Tina Fey’s character. Regina’s mother is making fun of how teen bitches can walk all over their parents, to the point where their moms try to be “cool like them”, by doing things like getting their boobs done and offering their daughter condoms while she’s making out with her boyfriend. As for the teachers, they are just as ridiculous, because they really have no control over the girls, and are even scared of the girls. While this is over the top, it’s not coming from nowhere; parents and teachers are often terrified of us, and will let us do certain things just to not upset us, and release our wrath.

Basically Mean Girls is awesome, and while it’s one of the funniest movies ever, it’s also actually making a statement, which most people don’t think about.

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So everybody else has been saying how fake and forced pictures are, and while I realize that some are, for me I don’t think they’re forced at all. See, I think the problem is that people worry too much about looking cute in pictures, that they forget about the fun of it all. So they end up looking all posy and boring, and there is absolutely no personality or life in them anymore. The thing about me is that I don’t worry about looking good in pictures. Just look at some of my pictures. Seriously, most of them are hideous, because instead of smiling like a normal person, I make a creepy face or do something crazy. Some of the pictures I considered putting up were of me sticking my head through a toilet bowl, being pushed in a shopping cart, and having a mouth full of marshmallows. My pictures aren’t forced; I don’t take multiple pictures to get it to look just right. Each picture has a memory behind it, and make me grateful for being me and not taking pictures like all the people who only worry about looks. This picture was taken yesterday in art, and it was actually me and Tina making fun of such people who try too hard in pictures. So, here you see us making a pretty-girl ugly face (basically an ugly face that isn’t really an ugly face at all), and we took multiple such pictures. It was hilarious. What you can’t see in this picture is that we were actually making fun of people who take pictures like this. What you also can’t see is that I was having a rough day, and so resorted to being silly to make myself feel better, even if it did involve me being disruptive in class.

So everybody else has been saying how fake and forced pictures are, and while I realize that some are, for me I don’t think they’re forced at all. See, I think the problem is that people worry too much about looking cute in pictures, that they forget about the fun of it all. So they end up looking all posy and boring, and there is absolutely no personality or life in them anymore.

The thing about me is that I don’t worry about looking good in pictures. Just look at some of my pictures. Seriously, most of them are hideous, because instead of smiling like a normal person, I make a creepy face or do something crazy. Some of the pictures I considered putting up were of me sticking my head through a toilet bowl, being pushed in a shopping cart, and having a mouth full of marshmallows. My pictures aren’t forced; I don’t take multiple pictures to get it to look just right. Each picture has a memory behind it, and make me grateful for being me and not taking pictures like all the people who only worry about looks.

This picture was taken yesterday in art, and it was actually me and Tina making fun of such people who try too hard in pictures. So, here you see us making a pretty-girl ugly face (basically an ugly face that isn’t really an ugly face at all), and we took multiple such pictures. It was hilarious. What you can’t see in this picture is that we were actually making fun of people who take pictures like this. What you also can’t see is that I was having a rough day, and so resorted to being silly to make myself feel better, even if it did involve me being disruptive in class.

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Teen Angst

This whole “teen angst”/”rebel without a cause” thing is an endless cycle. I’m distant from my parents and don’t have the best relationship with them, and hide things from them. I don’t really rebel all that much, because I don’t do stupid stuff, because I’m not a stupid person. It’s as simple as that.

Through talking to my grandma, I’ve learned that my mom wasn’t the best kid when she was my age. She was a bit of a partier, and some of the things she said when describing raising my mom sounds very similar to the way my mom sounds when referring to raising me. I’m sure my kids will say the same about me.

After talking to my grandma, I see that the whole “parents just don’t understand” mentality has been going on for a while. What doesn’t make sense to me is why the same people who complain about this then grow up and don’t understand their kids. I just don’t really understand. If I do ever have kids, I’d like to think that I would understand them and that they would feel free to say anything to me, but I feel like in trying so hard not to be my parents, I would just end up making different mistakes. My mom fears so much that she’s like her parents, as she didn’t have the best relationship with them, but in trying not to be like them, she ended up having a different kind of bad relationship with her kids. I don’t really know what I’m saying here, I guess. I just don’t see this cycle ever ending.

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So it’s no secret that I’m a hardcore Gleek, so of course I thought of Glee immediately when reading Denby’s essay. Because Glee is every single cliche jammed into one show, at least when the show starts. You have the blonde bitch head cheerleader with her two sidekicks, the dreamy-but-dumb quarterback who is dating the head cheerleader, and the nerdy outcast girl who pines for him. This episode was all about their Senior Prom and how Quinn was trying so hard to be prom queen, in fact it’s something she’s been aspiring for ever since we first met her. And in this episode, she wins by one vote (she and the other candidate were placed in charge of counting votes as everyone knew neither would let the other cheat), and after winning, she realized she doesn’t feel any different, and even though she had a baby as a teen, went through a goth phase, lost her boyfriend quarterback to Rachel the outcast, was kicked off the cheerleading team, and was hit by a car placing her in a wheelchair, she was still nothing but the Blonde Bitch, and that nothing had changed really. So with the other candidate (who has also developed greatly since the bitch we first met but I won’t get into it here), in a final act of kindness they decided to rig the vote so that Rachel would win.

I feel like the reason why I love Glee so much is because it really is so cliche, but at the same time challenges those cliches and stereotypes. So we get to see the girl who has no friends transform into someone her school admires, we get to see the girl who has it all humbled, we get to see a group of kids come together who were supposed to hate each other, but because of Glee club, they don’t.

Avondale is kind of like that. I’m not totally naive- I know we have cliques, and I know that at times we are very cliche as well. Anyone who says otherwise is ignorant, we do have both. People just may not see it because it’s not as extreme as portrayed in the media, but it’s there just the same. We don’t have one girl who runs the school, we don’t have one jock who all the girls fawn over. But I think we all do have our own version of a high school cliche in our head. We all have that one person who we crush on so hard, but who doesn’t even know we exist, and we all have that one person who we absolutely hate and who makes our lives hell, but who we secretly want to be. The thing is, though, we are also the villains to other people. High school is an endless circle like that, I suppose, not a social pyramid like portrayed in the media.

Yeah, I guess I’m done. I went all over the place with that, sorry.

Rebel Without A Cause

In my opinion,Rebel Without A Causewas really a stupid movie. Maybe that’s just because it is kind of outdated half a century after the film originally came out, and it’s also partly because it reminds me of how stupid teenagers are. Like decades have passed since this took place, and kids are still very much the same. We rebel for absolutely no reason at all, other than we don’t think our parents “understand” us. The thing is, our parents did the same thing, as their parents did before them. I’m sure our kids will do the same.

The movie was just so ridiculous. The scene where they played chicken and Buzz fell to his death was laughable. The fact that Judy fell in love with Jim literally moments after the death of her boyfriend was also ridiculous. The entire film took place in a very short period of time, like was it only one day? Two at most. The audience of the film seems to be teens, as it was supposed to portray how the teens made mistakes and all were having major crises because of the absence of any parental figure in their lives. For some characters, like Plato, his parents were literally not there. Others, like Judy, were borderline abusive parents, while Jim’s relationship with his parents is probably what most parent/children relationships are. His parents genuinely cared about him, but just didn’t know how to show it because they don’t understand him, which he interpreted as them not caring. Which I think is really lousy of him, because I don’t think they were bad people.

Although the intended audience was teenagers, it was very clear that it was produced by adults, as the way the life of the teen was portrayed was far from accurate. Instead, the portrayal of teen culture seemed more of an observation or perhaps a hazy memory of how adults remember their childhood being. A result was ridiculous storylines, laughable character development, and mixed messages. As a teen, I’m not sure what I was supposed to get from this movie… Was I supposed to learn some kind of lesson from this? Like what, not to race my car off a cliff? Not befriend a creepy outcast with daddy issues? Or was the teenage portrayal almost glamorized? The teenagers all looked pretty cool smoking while getting in knife fights, was I supposed to want to rebel from this film? I’m really not sure.

All I know is this movie was not worth my time. Maybe that’s because of the difference in time from now and then, but really, I don’t think teen angst has changed all that much. Maybe the reason I hated it is because I’m sick of seeing my peers try and “rebel” because it makes them look cool. It really doesn’t, and their parents aren’t all bad- in fact, in twenty years they will probably become the very people they despise the most. But at least for the moment we can pride ourselves on looking bad-ass, I suppose.

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Waddup AP Lang Blog: Losing My Religion

the-original-adammorton:

the-original-adammorton:

yeahadamnofslangblogyeah:

The Cross SunshineI wasn’t always like this. As a child, I was very polite, obedient, and mild-mannered- I was a believer. For as long as I can remember, Sunday mornings were spent in the front pew at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. My parents prided themselves on that front row pew. Their four children were always…

This is the kind of story about the church that breaks my heart. As Christians, we’re (I’m) supposed to love everybody, but so many times we (I) judge others as if we’re (I’m) any better. We’re (I’m) not any better. We were all born into darkness, into an eternal separation from God, with our own sins and our own faults. It’s only through Christ that we find life and unity with God. With that being said, how can we (I) reach others with our cause if we’re (I’m) busy looking down on them? We (I) can’t. Jesus makes this pretty clear in John 8:7 when Jesus says “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” The other questions in this blog about God are all really normal questions. I’ve asked them and I think pretty much anybody who thinks for themselves has asked them before. This world is a broken place; however, it’s not God that broke it, it’s us. At the same time, God may let bad things happen, but it’s never more than you can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). For your final question about why God “made you gay”, I often ask myself a similar question, “why did God give me a mind that over-complicates everything?” (over-complicating is not a sin, but it may result in unbelief, which definitely is separation from God and therefore sin) I see all these people who can go about their lives and they seem really happy and their faiths look really strong, but mine feels weak. I’m always questioning and doubting and I wonder why in the heck was I made this way? The thing is, God didn’t make me like this; He made me more susceptible to different sins through my life, but He doesn’t make me doubt. Because of this, I believe that if I fight it as the Bible says I can (Philippians 4:13), it may suck, but God will give me the help I need. Yeah it sucks. It sucks really bad and some days I wonder why I even fight it; but I believe that, after all, God will get me through. I’m sorry if you feel like this is some sort of religious rant, that’s really not my aim. And I’m really sorry about your situation with the church, because that’s definitely not how it’s supposed to be. As for myself, if it seems like I’m just another one of those people, I don’t try to be, but sometimes I have a really hard time relating to people, which would make me seem as awful as the rest. Just know, God still loves you, He’s pursuing you with everything He has, and He will never give up on you.

Hey Adam, I don’t think Adam needs and “help”  He is perfect the way he is and I think the god that I believe him loves him the way that he is.  In my mind being gay isn’t a sin.  I have never been a very big religous person but hearing that people that are very religous think that my best friend never should be married makes me sick to my stomach.  It’s situations like that, that also make me move father and farther away from faith. 

I think you’ve got me wrong here. The main idea is that we all need help, it’s just in different ways. I’m not pointing at him specifically and saying “he needs help” any more than I’m pointing at myself and saying “I need help.” If you want to believe that we’re all perfect just the way we are, there’s no need for God, no need for a Savior, and no need to worry about eternity because we’re already going to heaven. For your next point, it depends on your definition of “being gay.” If you’re talking about having the sexual preference of men without acting on it, I have no problems with that. That’s called temptation and we all have it. If you’re talking about having the preference and acting on it, that’s clearly pointed to as sin (1 Corinthians 6:9). As for your problem with religious people thinking your best friend should never get married, I think it’s important to point out that he can do what he wants. We all have free will. You’ve already heard my view on the topic, I don’t think I need to repeat it. I’m not trying to be the bad guy, this is just what I believe. (and by the way, I believe God loves everyone, regardless of their imperfections)

See, though, that’s exactly the point that I was trying to make, and why I drifted away from religion. In my opinion (and I may be just a tad biased on the issue), being gay is not a flaw. I don’t need to be fixed. I spent enough years hating myself because of that belief. And if being gay is some form of “temptation” by God, to see if I’ll be strong enough to resist, than I’m sorry, but he’s a major ass hole for doing that to me. So no, I’m not going to remain alone for the rest of my life, nor marry a woman just to please “God”, I’m going to do what I want, because even if he is real, he no longer exists to me.

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jessicacreech: No one ever directly yelled “Ewwwwww, boys have cooties!” but that sentence sums up everything I heard when I was in elementary school.  At a time when girls cliqued together and played Barbie’s and house I was swimming in the pool and painting pictures with my best friend: Adam.  I have been friends with Adam since right around Kindergarten; however, we didn’t go to the same school until first grade.  On my first day, in a new school, I was quickly attached to the only kid I knew in school.  Being the new kid and having no friends, except Adam, when we spent every second at school together I didn’t find it weird at all.  (us as kids)  That is until people started saying things to me.  “Why are you friends with a boy?” “Is he your boyfriend?” “That’s weird.” The answer was always simply that Adam was my best friend and always has been.   As we started to get older and older for it became weirder and weirder that my best friend was a boy. In Middle School everything began to change.  I was the typical Middle School girl; all I wanted to do was fit in with all the girls around me and be “popular”.  While I was busy learning how to fix my hair and do my makeup my friendship with Adam began to be pushed to the side.  Although I know I was very busy I also know that at that time I thought that in order for me to fit in I had to not be the only girl with a best friend that was a boy.   I can remember a time in Middle School when I was walking down the hall and Adam was walking the other way.  We said hey to each other but I also remember thinking how tall Adam had gotten and how he looked nothing like the chubby 1st grader that use to be my best friend.  I didn’t stress out too much about losing my best friend until I got into high school and Adam was in the majority of my classes.  When we started talking we picked up right where we left off.  On the night of the Sadie’s Dance I couldn’t go because I had to leave for soccer the next morning bright and early.  I remember being sad thinking about how all my friends would be having a blast and I would be stuck at home bored.  Adam realized this and said that he would ditch Sadie’s and come hang out with me.  We ended up having a blast eating a bunch of junk food and playing Mario Kart all night.  It was at this time that I realized that life isn’t about being popular and fitting in.  If I wanted to be happy all I need to do is pick my friends based on who loves me and will have my back no matter what.  Two years later when I look at my friend group it consists of a small group of kids that I know, no matter what, make me a better person and support me.  Although it took me awhile to realize this I know I am in the right place at the moment.  I am grateful for my family and friends and especially my friends that have become so close that they are considered family.        I love this- not just because it’s about me, but because I think it’s something that most people probably don’t know about you. People remember us being friends in elementary school and know we’re friends now, so they just assume we’ve always been friends, but there was like a year and a half where we never talked. I loved reading this because I honestly never knew why, and in looking back I kind of regret not staying friends during those middle school years, but I wouldn’t change it because I know that’s why we’re so close now. And I just love the pictures as well.

jessicacreech:

No one ever directly yelled “Ewwwwww, boys have cooties!” but that sentence sums up everything I heard when I was in elementary school.  At a time when girls cliqued together and played Barbie’s and house I was swimming in the pool and painting pictures with my best friend: Adam. 

I have been friends with Adam since right around Kindergarten; however, we didn’t go to the same school until first grade.  On my first day, in a new school, I was quickly attached to the only kid I knew in school.  Being the new kid and having no friends, except Adam, when we spent every second at school together I didn’t find it weird at all.  (us as kids)  That is until people started saying things to me.  “Why are you friends with a boy?” “Is he your boyfriend?” “That’s weird.” The answer was always simply that Adam was my best friend and always has been.   As we started to get older and older for it became weirder and weirder that my best friend was a boy. In Middle School everything began to change.  I was the typical Middle School girl; all I wanted to do was fit in with all the girls around me and be “popular”.  While I was busy learning how to fix my hair and do my makeup my friendship with Adam began to be pushed to the side.  Although I know I was very busy I also know that at that time I thought that in order for me to fit in I had to not be the only girl with a best friend that was a boy.   I can remember a time in Middle School when I was walking down the hall and Adam was walking the other way.  We said hey to each other but I also remember thinking how tall Adam had gotten and how he looked nothing like the chubby 1st grader that use to be my best friend.  I didn’t stress out too much about losing my best friend until I got into high school and Adam was in the majority of my classes.  When we started talking we picked up right where we left off.  On the night of the Sadie’s Dance I couldn’t go because I had to leave for soccer the next morning bright and early.  I remember being sad thinking about how all my friends would be having a blast and I would be stuck at home bored.  Adam realized this and said that he would ditch Sadie’s and come hang out with me.  We ended up having a blast eating a bunch of junk food and playing Mario Kart all night. 

It was at this time that I realized that life isn’t about being popular and fitting in.  If I wanted to be happy all I need to do is pick my friends based on who loves me and will have my back no matter what.  Two years later when I look at my friend group it consists of a small group of kids that I know, no matter what, make me a better person and support me.  Although it took me awhile to realize this I know I am in the right place at the moment.  I am grateful for my family and friends and especially my friends that have become so close that they are considered family.       

I love this- not just because it’s about me, but because I think it’s something that most people probably don’t know about you. People remember us being friends in elementary school and know we’re friends now, so they just assume we’ve always been friends, but there was like a year and a half where we never talked. I loved reading this because I honestly never knew why, and in looking back I kind of regret not staying friends during those middle school years, but I wouldn’t change it because I know that’s why we’re so close now. And I just love the pictures as well.

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Losing My Religion

The Cross SunshineI wasn’t always like this. As a child, I was very polite, obedient, and mild-mannered- I was a believer. For as long as I can remember, Sunday mornings were spent in the front pew at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. My parents prided themselves on that front row pew. Their four children were always the best dressed, always the best behaved. Nofs was a name known throughout the entire parish.

            I was always the best, the most obedient. I was the one who sang solos in the church choir; who was altar serving before any of the robes even fit; who proudly told anyone who would listen that when I grew up, I wanted to be a priest. I was perfect.

            Except that I wasn’t. In looking back now, I know that I’ve always been gay, but as a child I had never heard the word before. My church never mentioned it. My parents never uttered the word. Even in our Sex Ed class, the word was never mentioned. I never knew I was different because I didn’t even know what it meant to be gay.

            By the time I was in eighth grade, I had already realized that I was gay, but I didn’t plan on ever acting on it. I had convinced myself that if I tried hard enough, I could simply pretend to be straight for the rest of my life. That way I could still live a normal life, and not have to feel like I was letting anyone down. Eighth grade was the year we were being confirmed, and so we had frequent confirmation meetings and catechism meetings, as we were all preparing for the big event.

            The first time I ever heard the word ‘gay’ mentioned in church was at one such meeting. There had recently been an incident where two lesbians had been kicked out of the church, and the kids were talking about it one day. We were confused by this, as we had been taught to love everybody, but one of the kids said that God doesn’t like gay people, and that gay people shouldn’t be allowed to come to church. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go to church anymore.

            Once I was exposed to that initial flaw in religion, I began to notice all the other things that just didn’t make sense. Over time, I lost my faith bit by bit, until one day it just wasn’t there. As badly as I wanted to believe, I just couldn’t bring myself to.

            It’s not that I chose to stop believing. I physically cannot. There are just so many things that I don’t understand about God, that he can’t possibly be real. I can’t understand why God could do such awful things to people. I can’t understand how God could possibly send anyone to hell, if he’s the one who made them flawed. I can’t understand why God would make me gay and then tell everybody that being gay is wrong. I just don’t understand.

            Turning my back on my religion wasn’t easy. I still haven’t told my parents any of it, because I don’t think they’re ready to deal with it. I don’t want to hurt them. So I slowly drifted away from religion, and it started off small. First it was not singing the songs, and then it was not praying along with everybody else. Now on the rare occasions I go to church, I feel like a stranger sitting among an army of mindless robots.

The thing is I used to be just like them. I used to mindlessly say the same responses, read the bible, give up things for Lent. I used to believe in God just because my parents did, and their parents did before them. I used to convince myself that I wasn’t gay, and then that I didn’t have to live a gay life just because of my sexuality. I used to be just like everybody else, until I felt that separation, that isolation that helped shape the person I am.

It wasn’t until I found the strength to admit my sexuality to myself that I really found myself. In feeling that isolation, I have seen the world for what it really is- total crap. And I know my life will be much better because of the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve experienced. I don’t have to worry about pleasing my family or my friends, or God. I can just live my life for me, and not have to worry about anything else.

So many gay kids kill themselves every single day. I’m not saying we need to get rid of religions, but people should never be told that they are going to hell for something that they never even chose. This clip is my personal favorite Neil Patrick Harris’ message for kids who want to kill themselves, because they’re gay. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3Y52kD0G2c At one point I felt the same way, and may have even come close to it once or twice, but over time, with cutting myself off from people who made me feel bad about myself and from learning how to be an individual, I can honestly say that life is way too beautiful to just throw it away like that. For many, they can find balance between being gay and having a love for God but for me, this is not the case. I wish it was, but it isn’t. I can’t convince myself that I believe in God just like I couldn’t convince myself I was straight.

So while some may feel sorry for me that I don’t believe in a higher power, I don’t. There’s still plenty that I believe in, the number one being me. I believe in myself. I know that my happiness is the most important thing in my life. I have to believe in myself. No one else is going to. Breaking those ties to the person I was once so convinced I had to be has really freed me to be whoever I want to be. In losing my religion, I found faith in myself.

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My Inner Voice(s)

When I said that I have multiple inner voices, I wasn’t joking. I really do. And I think that’s why my decisions are inconsistent, and why at times I’m confident and loving, while other times I’m flighty and detached. The one voice is the one I was born with, the natural me, while the other one is the voice that society has instilled in me. The voice that I keep trying to block out, but is constantly there nonetheless. So I guess to answer the question, I’ll break it down by which voice tells me what to do.

Voice #1 (Natural Voice): Things don’t have to be like this. You deserve better, you deserve just as much happiness as everybody else. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you being here is worth something. You need to be here to make sure that other kids don’t have to go through what you went through, and to ensure that the future is different. You are here to change the world, through sparking emotion and realizations in people through your art and through your words. You live in a world where anything is possible, where there is a little bit of good in everybody, and where your relationships with others is most important and you live for others. Things will get better.

Voice #2 (Societal Voice): You’re worthless. You will never find happiness, and you will never ammount to anything in your lifetime. You will never have a family, and therefore after you die it will be like you never existed. You aren’t good enough, good enough for your friends, good enough for your family, good enough for society. What exactly are you for? You have no purpose in life, no future. You are not the son your parents wanted. You are not the person the world wants you to be. You will never belong, you will never be loved. Stop convincing yourself that everything is okay and that things will get better; things will never get better.

Over time I’ve learned to drown out Voice #2, and think more positively and feel better about myself. But some days are better than others, especially when people say that Ichoseto be like this. Why the hell would anybody choose to feel like crap about themselves all the time? I know I didn’t choose. And in the off chance that there is a God, I’m actually going to be really pissed at him for making me this way. It’s part of the reason why I could never believe in him, something I could never understand.

So since I can’t live for religion, and I can’t live for relationships as everyone seems to let me down, what does that leave? Me. So I believe in myself. I’m here for me. I have to live my life for me, because I sure as hell know no one else is going to. Living for me, that’s enough. Isn’t it? I don’t know.